Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
