I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
