i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
