he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you traded sex for a burrito?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
