The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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