my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
