Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
