sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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