New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
