I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
