PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
