I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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