I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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