The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
