I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
