Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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