i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
