i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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