I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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