i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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