im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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