she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
