I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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