The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
