Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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