honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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