sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
