I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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