At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
