He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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