1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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