Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do vagina's smell?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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