You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
