You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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