i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
