i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm always down for nudity.
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