I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I know her cup size but not her name....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
