he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
