All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
