What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
