the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
