Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Vodka?
Forever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
