So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
