Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
