Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
