I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
