The maid of honor just puked.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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