Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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