The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
