I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
