Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
