C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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