Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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