we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
