***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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