If i come over, it means nothing
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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