I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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